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 BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP

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boytitan2
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PostSubject: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Wed May 16, 2012 7:51 pm

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Mie
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Wed May 16, 2012 8:03 pm

WHAT IS DIS BT IS USING COMA

#em3

Ok, I guess you can't really tell her how ''bad'' the situation is, honestly. You saw that it's making her worse, all you have to do is support her, try to invite her to go out in her free time, but do something relaxing, she needs you now and supporting her is all you can do.
She doesn't want to kick her mom out because oh well, it's her mom. Talk to her and say that things won't get any better if she drinks too much.
Also she should talk to her mom and try to find a solution together, I'm sure her mom would do something because I believe her mom cares about her too.
And about you guys living together, well, it happens really, give her some time, it was so suddenly, she can't handle all dis D:
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boytitan2
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Wed May 16, 2012 8:11 pm

Tried talking to her mom that failed.

And I havent bought it up yet but I said f all plans of moving out,Im not dealing with her parents da hell NO.
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Mie
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Wed May 16, 2012 8:27 pm

Nah dun live with her parents lmao
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Wed May 16, 2012 8:47 pm

With that attitude bro, you've got a big problem ahead of you.

Rethink your situation and then proceed with caution.

Because for most people, Family comes first.
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boytitan2
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Wed May 16, 2012 9:04 pm

LXE wrote:
With that attitude bro, you've got a big problem ahead of you.

Rethink your situation and then proceed with caution.

Because for most people, Family comes first.

I explained my reasoning to her.
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Mie
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Wed May 16, 2012 9:06 pm

Still, she isn't the one who needs to understand you, YOU are the one who need to understand her.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Thu May 17, 2012 1:52 am

@Mie wrote:
Still, she isn't the one who needs to understand you, YOU are the one who need to understand her.
^This, all the way.

BT, stop acting like a spoiled brat. Your parents spent over a million dollars throughout your life to care for you, raise you, educate you, feed you, buy you the things you want, and love you. They should be respected because, they're the ones who brought you into this world and gave you everything they could give to you. They put you first before their own desires and yet you say you'd kick your parents out and file a restraining order against them just because stayed at your place? Unbelievable.

Remember, YOU owe your parents your life and YOU should be grateful to them. They did everything they could for you because they loved you. If you can't understand this simple concept, then that's too bad for you because I'm afraid that's the problem with you.

There's nothing wrong with your girlfriend's parents, or your girlfriend taking care of them. The source of the problem is YOU alone, you're the one who is hurting the girl. She loves you so much and yet you don't even give a shit about her parents, but she does care about them, they're her family afterall, and FAMILY COMES FIRST. Just go fix up that attitude and grow the fuck up.

After you have fixed up that attitude, and maybe then you can discuss it with your girlfriend and her family that you two need your privacy.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Thu May 17, 2012 2:15 am

I disagree on LXE's comment about showing gratitude towards your parents. Getting a child is something the parents decide all by themself, sadly nowadays in many cases it is actually the mother who decides this all by herself. But this isn't the topic.

I think you (BT) should think about your priorities. Your girlfriend seems to value family a lot more than you do, that's a pretty fundamental difference if you ask me. I'd think about if this relationship has any future anyway. If the answer to that question is "yes", you can't avoid to give in a find a solution that all of you can be happy with. I think it is quit obvious what to do if the answer is "no".

In any case you should try not to push your girlfriend too much. Nobody deserves to feel the need of making a decision between two dear persons.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Thu May 17, 2012 2:20 am

>LXE
>Lecturing someone about morals
I'm sorry, what?

And I'm pretty sure you didn't need to go all-out on him like that. BT has his reasons (which he's alluded to, yet not out-right stated) for why he doesn't care for his parents and I'm not sure why you're assuming everyone has a happy, loving family where they were cared for. BT has his reasons why he's abandoned his parents - respect that instead of bitching him out for it.

And yes, family is important to most people, and it does seem like this girl of BT's does care for her family. But it is getting in the way of their already made arrangements, and thus he has a reason to be irritated, especially if her mother is acting as such. Yes, BT can be to blame for some of her stress, but it's really dumb to say he's the cause of all her stress.

And not every birth is a miracle. Some are tragedies (I'm not meaning this in a bad way, but some things just aren't fit to live - Humans are just delusional in their attempts to keep all of their kind alive). So being "brought into this world" isn't something that everyone should feel grateful for.

What the fuck, LXE.
I know you don't like BT, but that's just plain abusive to say all of her stress is his fault.

Yes, BT ought to see more of her side of the thing. Yes, BT ought to respect her values. But you ought to respect his values first before you start giving out crappy advice.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Thu May 17, 2012 3:05 am

LXE wrote:
@Mie wrote:
Still, she isn't the one who needs to understand you, YOU are the one who need to understand her.
^This, all the way.

BT, stop acting like a spoiled brat. Your parents spent over a million dollars throughout your life to care for you, raise you, educate you, feed you, buy you the things you want, and love you. They should be respected because, they're the ones who brought you into this world and gave you everything they could give to you. They put you first before their own desires and yet you say you'd kick your parents out and file a restraining order against them just because stayed at your place? Unbelievable.

Remember, YOU owe your parents your life and YOU should be grateful to them. They did everything they could for you because they loved you. If you can't understand this simple concept, then that's too bad for you because I'm afraid that's the problem with you.

There's nothing wrong with your girlfriend's parents, or your girlfriend taking care of them. The source of the problem is YOU alone, you're the one who is hurting the girl. She loves you so much and yet you don't even give a shit about her parents, but she does care about them, they're her family afterall, and FAMILY COMES FIRST. Just go fix up that attitude and grow the fuck up.

After you have fixed up that attitude, and maybe then you can discuss it with your girlfriend and her family that you two need your privacy.

Im adopted been that since 4 days old, My mom and 2 grandmothers didnt want me, my dad wanted me but was on his way to jail at the time so lost his parental rights. I have more stories of this caliber.

And it wasnt even a case of couldnt keep me my mom and grandmother kept my little sister, And my other grandmother retired from a car factory and has half my grand dads will money which was 100,000 the other 100000 is gone and that a story for a diff day. She also took in my 2 cousins you were saying.

And yes me and girls diff views are reasons stuff never works, My last girl jess dad was a drug dealer thus giveing her diff views like thinking school isnt important which is a shame cause she has a higher IQ than me,Or since her dad barely made it on the streets and makes joke money cause she never seen real succes that hes succesful, Plus her dad represented everything My dad isnt, Im sorry have a few cars and renting out a few houses in the ghetto isnt shit to and not money, Then again I have a good view of what actual success is adopt bro drives a 100,000 range rover, 50,000 custom kit Catolac,Million dollar home. Other bro manages 3 branks bought my grand mom her current home drives a lexus. My dad taught me street money/illegal mony does not last long after coming outa jail his second time. And plus I pretty much met every major drug dealer/gun supplier in my city they have all been caught before, Last instance this family my dad was real close with chaos and some of his family sold drugs and now gotta start all over and have there nephew take the fall cause they got caught with over 70,000 worth of crack. Point is I could not agree with shit that ever came outa her mouth on one single thing cause it came from her dad whos a giant broke joke to me. Also she was to blind to see how big of a terrible dad he is. All his money is drug money, Her mom hates him and has ran away 3 times,But its hard to find work when your a Mom whos raised 4 kids all her life so shes kinda stuck there, all 4 of her siblings didnt graduate and are pretty much bums.


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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Thu May 17, 2012 3:12 am

@boytitan2 wrote:
Im adopted been that since 4 days old, My mom and 2 grandmothers didnt want me, my dad wanted me but was on his way to jail at the time so lost his parental rights. I have more stories of this caliber.

And it wasnt even a case of couldnt keep me my mom and grandmother kept my little sister, And my other grandmother retired from a car factory and has half my grand dads will money which was 100,000 the other 100000 is gone and that a story for a diff day. She also took in my 2 cousins you were saying.
I'm sorry.
Didn't know about your situation, I made an assumption. Which is stupid of me.

Well, what I'll suggest to get your situation straight is to discuss with your girlfriend and parents calmly. Tell them exactly what you're unhappy with, get them to know your persepective. Sit down calmly and talk about it.

@Suki - No, I don't hate BT. It's just that I get ahead of myself too often.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Fri May 18, 2012 8:05 am

What a turn off. Seriously. Rolling Eyes
Best solution would be to talk with her, yeah. Open her eyes omfg.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Fri May 18, 2012 1:12 pm

NOTE: I have zero experience with relationships. I'm going off of what I feel is the right course of action.

You both need to understand each other. I understand your reasons for not valuing a family as much(and imho they're pretty damn good reasons, parental abandonment/not wanting your own fucking kid is high up on that list), but to your girlfriend, family is first and foremost. You have to respect her values, just as she does for you. That way you can start working on this issue.

Don't force her to choose between you and her mom, because she'll resent you for it whether she chooses you(you're basically forcing her to abandon her family for you) or her mom(reason should be obvious). Instead, try working with her mom. See what you can do to get her mom off of the couch and back to working or something so she can become self-sufficient again and not have to lie all over your girlfriend's place doing shit.
I'm willing to bet money that your girlfriend will much appreciate your efforts. It's showing her that, despite everything that's happened to you concerning family, you're willing to get over it and change. She'll also appreciate that you're trying to get her mom off her couch, because even people with strong family values will get tired of a freeloader ordering them around(and since she's 19, having a control freak in the house, even if it's her mom, will wear on her. Certainly looks like its wearing on her already).

While you're doing that you're gonna have to deal with the fact that your girlfriend's mom is crashing on your girlfriend's couch. There's nothing you can really do aside from the above strategy, and you definitely CANNOT tell her mom to simply get out because that's going to lead to a serious argument(plus it makes you look like an asshole if her mom is not selfsufficient, makes you look like you're just kicking her out with no light at the end of the tunnel), and it's likely that if you try to bring it up, you two might get into a serious argument over it. And you definitely do NOT want to be doing that when you were previously considering moving in with her IIRC.
I'd even consider moving in with her despite the fact that her mom is freeloading off her. After all, she is supporting three people, which is probably why she is severely stressed out and depressed. Any help you could provide, assuming you aren't doing everything you can already(which is quite a dangerous assumption for me to make, but just to cover all the bases), will be highly appreciated on your girlfriend's part. Even if you have to deal with her mom, if you are SERIOUS about this relationship, you should love her enough that you can get past the freeloading mom part.

Last part of this really, really long post: If you're completely serious about your girlfriend, DO NOT give up because her mom is freeloading her ass off. That is the worst thing you can do. I have little experience in it myself, but I'm willing to bet that your girlfriend is going to feel even more stressed out and depressed if you turn tail and run off. I don't say that to make you feel guilty, but it's often that way. You have the opportunity to be supportive and helpful to her, giving her a hand when she's down. I wouldn't just waste it.

EDIT: There is NOTHING you can do about her grandmother. If she is recovering from heart surgery, those bills are going to be so fucking expensive that if you turned them into the sky, they would literally cover the entire Earth. Even if she has retirement money, it may not be enough, so your girlfriend is going to feel obligated to help and will not likely want to hear a word against it. Don't even mention her grandmother to her, steer clear of that potential pitfall. Once she recovers, I see no reason for her grandmother to continue freeloading, so that should be further down in the future.

Anyway, thats what I feel you should do. I don't know if it'll work out or not, but I wish you the best. Hang in there, because there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Fri May 18, 2012 2:10 pm

Quote :
You both need to understand each other. I understand your reasons for not valuing a family as much(and imho they're pretty damn good reasons, parental abandonment/not wanting your own fucking kid is high up on that list), but to your girlfriend, family is first and foremost. You have to respect her values, just as she does for you. That way you can start working on this issue.

Firekiller is right in that way. Remember that while your family didn't supported you much, hers may have not. So talk with her regarding that.


Quote :
Don't force her to choose between you and her mom...

As a matter of fact, never make ultimatums with your soulmate, even if it's for her own good; work around something in common.

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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Fri May 18, 2012 4:28 pm

Okay, I just have to say this first: LXE, your first post was way too harsh. It reminded me of that one Onion article about a a kid's parents constantly fighting, while the writers instead focused on said kid as a "whiny little shit" for no relevant reason. I like satire, but anything on that level is terrible and should not be repeated.



...Anyway.

BoyTitan, there's something you need to realize here: you likely don't understand the scope of your girlfriend's problem. I'm landed with Type 1 Diabetes, and despite how much my mom cares and worries about me, she values my privacy and desire to live on my own and goes out of her way to infringe on that as little as possible. Your girlfriend's mom and grandmother wouldn't just "freeload" off of her for no good reason; something had to have happened to them to make them live with her, something that's probably bigger than you.

Got that? Okay, good. This is what you should do:

1) Get your girlfriend to stop drinking, damnit. Trying to drown her sorrows isn't going to help anyone or anything; if you want to hack out a solution to this, then all participating parties need to have level heads.

2) Once you all have level heads and have the time to set aside - seriously, no sooner! - get those participating parties to sit down and talk about what's going on. Get them to explain the situation, and try to put yourself in their shoes. Also, get them to understand your own issues with it. Knowing is half the battle, understanding is roughly three-quarters of it. Most importantly, remember that this is your girlfriend's family, not yours, and while you might not, she cares about her mother and grandmother deeply and you'll have to learn to respect that.

3) Brainstorm a solution. Once everyone is clear on everyone's opinions and problems and what they can or can't do about them, you'll find that fixing things is much easier.

It may take time to get everything sorted out, but just keep at it: patience is a definite requirement in delicate situations like this. Try to do things in ways that will cause the least pain to everyone, and try not to be disappointed if things don't go your way. And remember, don't come off as a selfish prick; be honest with them, and try to help them because you actually want to help them.



...And please, don't say you posted here hoping someone would give you a quick fix, because you need a sound wallop over the head if you're naive enough to think quick fixes actually work.



























































P.S.: Seriously, quick fixes do not work.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Fri May 18, 2012 7:29 pm

Make a pool of money from everyone and go rent/buy a douplex. Split the family but share the bills, and if not; ask for her mother to pay some bills?


I dun know this shiz okay? Me just a kid Razz


( If you lived in Canada, those surgeries would've been free Embarassed)
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boytitan2
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Fri May 18, 2012 7:34 pm

@LS3 wrote:
Make a pool of money from everyone and go rent/buy a douplex. Split the family but share the bills, and if not; ask for her mother to pay some bills?


I dun know this shiz okay? Me just a kid Razz


( If you lived in Canada, those surgeries would've been free Embarassed)

The surgerie was free its called insurance ay for insurance or else your fucked litteraly, My girl was payin for da food and parking etc, Them pay rent ROFL AHAHAHAHA.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Sun Jun 03, 2012 12:27 pm

This kind of issue run deep.

There are a whole array of shit starting from poverty, the way their parent treated them, possible influential adult, whole 9 yards...

You need to ask else where for better suggestions, most people here are too young to have enough experience with these issues to come up with a good solution.

It will be difficult for you to solve this since you don't understand the value of the situations. (it is like fighting someone who you can't see)

My advice is for you to help your girl out and take loads of work off her (help her parent), as time goes on, because of the deeds you done for them, you would have MORE say in their action. Think of it as a jab. One jab at a time into their life, then eventually you can direct the pace of the fight. One good deed after another, eventually you can direct where their action/attention. Similar formula. You simply can't go directly at someone and tell them what to do. If you someone did that to you, you would just go "who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?" It would be like trying to land a hay maker right at the start of a fight... If it is someone who had done many good things for you and he is giving you advice, you are far more likely to accept the advice than some random dude coming up and saying shit. Don't be a random guy.

If you absolutely can't stand helping them, the best you can do is through materialistic deeds like providing comfortable environment and be more abundant in resources. (good sleep and well filled stomach keep people happy)

My advice based on my experience dealing with angry grandmas. It take many years for them to be nasty, it will also take many years to "fix" them.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Sun Jun 03, 2012 4:40 pm

Delete thread single doesent matter.
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PostSubject: Re: BT REALLY NEEDS YOUR HELP    Sun Jun 03, 2012 4:44 pm

If she's living off her daughter then talk to the mom and tell her not too >_<

I'd also speak with your gf, and tell her to not let people take advantage of her
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