Cosmic Break
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 Let me tell you a story...

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LetsDieTomorrow
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PostSubject: Let me tell you a story...   Fri Dec 14, 2012 1:56 am

Hai there.

Some of you cosmic breakers might know of me, albeit under another alias. I quit a while ago, but that doesn't matter.

What matters is you.

Now listen to a little story of mine from the past...



2011 January~February, I first heard about Cosmic break and downloaded the game to try it. I was in love. Although, at that moment, I was abstaining from mmorpgs, because most of my high school life was regrettably destroyed from them. Alas, I couldn't resist CB. It was everything I wanted from a game. Endless customization, action role play, skin-able characters, the constant desire for the next best thing. I played daily. While I was in college at that time, I suffered no negative side effects. I was balancing a social life, work, school, and my alone time with CB all at once. It was hectic, nevertheless it was fun. I could do it.

Then, I wanted RT. I wanted more bots. I fell in love with the Vanguard series. I wanted to tune. I wanted to tune all of my robots. I had many wants. Of course I had a job, so I had money. No problem, sure. But I had many things to pay. Apartment rent, utilities, food, laundry, basic needs, school loan, transportation fees, and other miscellaneous things. I was always broke. Guess how much RT I charged? Just guess. 200 Dollars worth? 500 dollars worth? Close. I charged about 550 dollars worth of RT over the course of several months. I needed help. I was going through the same shit and mistakes I made during my high school years. I decided to take a break.

2012 August. I experience a lot in my life since quitting CB. I graduated with an associates (for my field, that's all I need), I experienced my first romantic love, then I was fucking destroyed by her, I got majorly robbed, my friend was arrested for something he did not do and is being held in custody still, I developed a case of serious depression. I realized I had no real friends, I wanted to die. What to do when you can't die but have nothing to do? Why, go play video games of course. I returned to CB.

Ijji had sold their property to AeriaGames when I returned. I had to transfer my ijji accounts. Problem is, I didn't remember which ijji account had my CB characters. After multiple attempts (it took a week wait for the transfer to work, and a new email address for each account), I just decided to make a new account cause it was taking too long. New account made, I got a melfi, awesome. I was glad/surprised that some of the old cosmic breakers were still around as well and I met some cool people.

Prior to jumping back into CB, I moved back into my parents' apartment and started working at the family business again. I had income, I had no expenses - just my student loan of only 2,500 dollars. Things were cool. I was charging my RT again. But it's okay, cause I had a plan to pay my student loan off in 2 months.

Having all this steady income and a sure-fire plan to pay off my loans, I decided to splurge on things that made me feel good. I used to be a raver, a melbourne shuffler, and a lover of drugs. With some free time, I often attended raves. I was buying acid from fellow ravers and I was just having an awesome time. With the extra money I had, I was also buying new clothes, glasses, shoes, new phone, and stuff like that. I got three new piercings, and my first tattoo, something very personal. I loved the things I had in my life. But sooner or later, my expenses were piling up.

My mom, the one who paid me, couldn't afford to pay me on time. Our family was and has been in debt for our entire lives. We lived paycheck to paycheck, often paying rent at the last moment before the late fee. Our family of four lived in a two bedroom apartment. This was our life. It still is. Nevertheless, I had to change my plans. After spending all the hard earned cash on superficial things, I barely had any cash leftover to pay off my student loan in full. I probably took only a chunk of 500 dollars off at this point, a month into moving back with my parents. Next month or so, I got paid. I had enough money to pay off the 2000 dollars remaining of my student loans. But no, I changed my plans. I wanted to live good. I wanted more things. I wanted RT especially. I decided to change my plans, pay around half to go towards my student loan and keep the rest for myself.

I splurged on RT. Looking at my bank statement from then, I spent 400 dollars worth in RT. It was fun, inside the game. It was very fun. I even had dreams of cosmic break. The game enveloped me. I spent my days at work thinking about new skins, new builds, what robots will be in the daily gara tomorrow. This fan-forum :p. Superficial things.

My mom didn't pay me on time again. I was slacking on my student loan. I stopped buying clothes, jewelry, stopped going to raves, stopped a lot of things. The hardest thing was to stop myself from charging RT. But I faced this problem before during high school, so it wasn't that bad. Plus, I already had a nice commando of robots. All was good. I just needed to wait to get paid, right?

Sooner or later I got paid, hurray. But not in full. With business going down, I agreed to take less money for my hours. No biggie, helping family is important.

October or November 2012, student loan is fully paid off. I could spend money again. I wanted to charge RT, but I had to wait to get paid again. So I waited.

During that time, I came to a realization of the serious problems going on in my life. My "friends". My old lover, who I will never forget and unfortunately will never get to see again. My family. And my depression. But one day, I experienced the greatest euphoria that left me bawling tears of joy. I found the answer to my problems. I don't really recall the details, but I had the answers. I needed to live. I needed to reconnect with my best friends. I needed to stop being alone. I needed to bond with the family I knew nothing about. Most importantly, I needed to live.

I decided against spending my money on RT. I decided to quit Cosmic Break. I left to pursue my interest in changing my life for the better. I needed to tackle the problems that were brooding within since childhood. And so, my journey into my new life began.

And here I am, a couple weeks into my recovery, writing to you guys c:

I'm getting better from my depression. I began to cherish what friendship I had leftover from the past. I reactivated my facebook and I'm being more social. I decided to break the seal that locked my inner words and feelings when around people close to me. I decided to open up more to everyone, especially my family. I began a new found bond with my father, hoping to erase the scars he left. I am getting better. I'm trying every day. Oh, and I found out that I'm slowly dying. Well, hopefully I'll be cured when the time comes, but the sand in my hourglass is indeed running low. I wouldn't want to make you guys feel bad for me, so I won't elaborate further.


I spent nearly 1,000 Dollars on this game. One Thousand. For what? The countless hours behind a computer screen, alone. What could I have done with that money if I didn't spend it on this game? Who knows, but it doesn't matter. It's in the past, and there's no need for what ifs.

With my new world unfolding before me, I just felt like I should share my life experiences with you guys. Maybe my story will impact your life to the point where you question your own actions, and thoroughly examine where you stand before your own lives. You've all have been very entertaining to me, and this game has brought me much joy. I feel it's proper to leave this memento after such a revelation in my own life.

Please, cherish what you have. Today is December 13, 2012. There will never be another December 13, 2012. Everyday is a new day, so use the opportunity to explore new things. Give everyone a second chance, if not more. Love the people you have in your life. Don't get stuck, like I did. Achieve your dreams and goals. Be who you want to be. You don't live forever - I sure as hell won't.

Thanks for reading my story.
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Suguri
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PostSubject: Re: Let me tell you a story...   Fri Dec 14, 2012 3:41 am

I wanted to say something to the effect of "Good for you, glad to hear your life's taken a turn for the better!" but the line "but the sand in my hourglass is indeed running low" makes that feel...wrong.

I won't pry though. Some things are out of our control, what matters is that you're happy with the decisions you've made.
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mikuri
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PostSubject: Re: Let me tell you a story...   Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:22 am

Not the first time I hear this.
But if I can add to this, people should make a gaming budget according to what they can afford. BUT, paying debts is way more important, you feel free after paying it.

No debts and positive money in bank to tank a few months if there's any problem, that's how I live.
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Gerrion
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PostSubject: Re: Let me tell you a story...   Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:56 am

Glad you were able to make it through all the fuss and share your story for others to learn. It was very kind of you.

Had similar downtimes as well. While on some of them my friends/family/teachers helpeed, on others my mind relied on music to not stay down for a lot, to always bring back the possibility of a comeback.

Just remember what is important to you and those around you. And always be kind, for ppl will in time return your kindness Wink
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GammaFox
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PostSubject: Re: Let me tell you a story...   Fri Dec 14, 2012 5:23 pm

Quote :
Please, cherish what you have. Today is December 13, 2012. There will never be another December 13, 2012. Everyday is a new day, so use the opportunity to explore new things. Give everyone a second chance, if not more. Love the people you have in your life. Don't get stuck, like I did. Achieve your dreams and goals. Be who you want to be. You don't live forever - I sure as hell won't.

I sure as HELL would like that to happen to me...
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Scott-kip
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PostSubject: Re: Let me tell you a story...   Fri Dec 14, 2012 5:44 pm

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boytitan2
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PostSubject: Re: Let me tell you a story...   Wed Dec 26, 2012 6:15 am

Sounds a little like my situation well except for the dieing part and the fact I don't go threw depression more like went from having extreme anger towards others to just not giving a fuck about anyone, not that I dont try its just I dont know how. barely know my family I talked about the lakers with my bro by adoption for five mins then went to bed didn't call my blood father or mom. And the over spending money I am good at manageing money.The money spent on cb woulda just went on other games food and boxing or mma gear clothes etc. I can understand the pain of being a lone then again I like it all my relationships fail cause eventually I want to be left alone. I do play cb to much sometimes but meeh it could be worse. I played halo 3 before on so big a binge all my friends in my old dance group thaught I died. When halo reach came out my girlfriend left cause I played the game a whole week with out contacting her. Anyways congrats on conquering your personal demons maybe some day ill conquer them or at least give a shit about em. Spending time with family that hurt you is hard enough let alne connecting with em.
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